A topic well,or even overwritten,a topic for all seasons.I am a little weary to write about love from any angle.Its a subject that is simply over-evaluated.Well,here is my 2 cents worth.I will start with listing some cliches about love,and note observations,experience and my resolution.
1)Love is blind:
I guess this explains why we fall for and continue to stay in relationships that are dysfunctional.Your friends,your family could ridicule the relationship,but you just wont listen.Friends would ask,what do you see in him or her,and you would reply,I just love her.I just simply dig this person.They make me feel ¨......¨This feeling is so powerful,its like a high.Each time,they do something or even what they do not do to warrant you walking out of a relationship,you get a whiff of this high.You are back.
2)Love sets you free:
Well,this perspective,seemingly contradicts the one above.I am not at this level yet in my relationships,but a good friend told me that love set him free.I have seen him with his girlfriend and they are good together.Moreover,they have accepted each other,knowing sufficiently enough about each other to look forward to the future.They are happy with redefining themselves as a unit contrary to two individuals.As I said Im not there yet(implying I hope to use and apply this definition in my lovelife in this lifetime)It sounds like what dreams are made of.Total trust and a great sense of belonging,like finding yourself again,in someone else.
3)Love conquers all:
This is linked more or less to point 1 above.Its the certainty of purpose when people are in love.Its the invicible belief that the unity of love will help people endure.This cliche has been credited to many stories of hope and the overcoming of great trials and tribulations.
Many people could profess that they have loved.This conclusion,comes from various beliefs.In the book ¨The road less travelled¨by M Scott Peck,he talks about the process of falling for someone.The whole shabang,starting with noticing, flirting, courtship(this step does not happen for all),engagement and marriage.Please note that I noted all the aspects just for completion,not necessarily because they occur in that order or that they all occurt all,but to open a bigger discussion.Anyway,back to Scott Peck,in his book he describes love as the driving force behind spiritual growth. He considers the notion that romantic love exists a very destructive myth, that it is about dependency, that true love is "falling in love", that love is cathexis, that love is a feeling. Instead love is about the extending of one's ego boundaries to include another, and about the spiritual nurturing of another.In short he describes love as an effort.
His perspective on love (in The Road Less Traveled) is that love is not a feeling, it is an activity and an investment. He defines love as, "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." Love is primarily actions towards nurturing the spiritual growth of another. Love cannot be sustained by mutual dependence, rather, love between two parties is made stronger when they are completely independent of one another.
Again,my friend would critisice this entry because he would observe that I quoted someone else.He would be dissappointed because I didnt relate directly,explicitly stories of my broken-heart in high school,betrayal and low self-esteem in university amidst distorted images of love which equated to sexuality or about giving oneself entirely to the other person.So yes,my friend again would argue that I must have learnt someting and have something personally valuable to share,well I think not.My stories of dissapointment ad self-doubt and mistakes probably mirror those of millions of others.How I dealt with pain and joy of love or falling in love also is nothing new or different or revolutionary.So I dont think,its really bringing any value.You see,I have thought starting from the source would be of help,finding out about love (what is is,how it is,when is it,wand why it is).So unlike my friend, topics in which Im not experienced,and that includes topics with bad results(in terms of love this means no decent past or present relationship status) I ask the experts.I ask the tried and tested.You know thats why we go to school for anything,any learning,to acquire something we dont know from someone who knows something more than us,and has experience and results to show.
Therefore since I had read M Scott Peck´s book a while back,and found it more that just riveting,I quote it here.I also think its useful,because I dont know many people in healthy relationships,and the problem is at the source.How people got together to the place and feeling they called love.Some people got it wrong the first time,some people say its falling in love for the wrong reasons like for money,for material posessions,for family ties,for power etc.Some people decide to get together and call it love because of fear,fear of being alone,fear of not feeling productive with their lives.Some people get together and call it love because they meet other people who they feel can make up for the wrong and inadequate things in their lives.For most people the decision and or feeling to fall in love is from psychological or physiological cause and iandequacy.The need to be completed.I was happy to hear the line from Jerry Maguire ¨You complete me¨is not so cool anymore to signify a deep bond of love.So the wheel turns...As for me my friend,since I have not been able to get this love thing right,I decided to call in the experts,and make love a decision,and fall in love the right way.Besides it was William Shakespeare who said ¨ Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments¨.
