Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
Love gone right
A topic well,or even overwritten,a topic for all seasons.I am a little weary to write about love from any angle.Its a subject that is simply over-evaluated.Well,here is my 2 cents worth.I will start with listing some cliches about love,and note observations,experience and my resolution.
1)Love is blind:
I guess this explains why we fall for and continue to stay in relationships that are dysfunctional.Your friends,your family could ridicule the relationship,but you just wont listen.Friends would ask,what do you see in him or her,and you would reply,I just love her.I just simply dig this person.They make me feel ¨......¨This feeling is so powerful,its like a high.Each time,they do something or even what they do not do to warrant you walking out of a relationship,you get a whiff of this high.You are back.
2)Love sets you free:
Well,this perspective,seemingly contradicts the one above.I am not at this level yet in my relationships,but a good friend told me that love set him free.I have seen him with his girlfriend and they are good together.Moreover,they have accepted each other,knowing sufficiently enough about each other to look forward to the future.They are happy with redefining themselves as a unit contrary to two individuals.As I said Im not there yet(implying I hope to use and apply this definition in my lovelife in this lifetime)It sounds like what dreams are made of.Total trust and a great sense of belonging,like finding yourself again,in someone else.
3)Love conquers all:
This is linked more or less to point 1 above.Its the certainty of purpose when people are in love.Its the invicible belief that the unity of love will help people endure.This cliche has been credited to many stories of hope and the overcoming of great trials and tribulations.
Many people could profess that they have loved.This conclusion,comes from various beliefs.In the book ¨The road less travelled¨by M Scott Peck,he talks about the process of falling for someone.The whole shabang,starting with noticing, flirting, courtship(this step does not happen for all),engagement and marriage.Please note that I noted all the aspects just for completion,not necessarily because they occur in that order or that they all occurt all,but to open a bigger discussion.Anyway,back to Scott Peck,in his book he describes love as the driving force behind spiritual growth. He considers the notion that romantic love exists a very destructive myth, that it is about dependency, that true love is "falling in love", that love is cathexis, that love is a feeling. Instead love is about the extending of one's ego boundaries to include another, and about the spiritual nurturing of another.In short he describes love as an effort.
His perspective on love (in The Road Less Traveled) is that love is not a feeling, it is an activity and an investment. He defines love as, "The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." Love is primarily actions towards nurturing the spiritual growth of another. Love cannot be sustained by mutual dependence, rather, love between two parties is made stronger when they are completely independent of one another.
Again,my friend would critisice this entry because he would observe that I quoted someone else.He would be dissappointed because I didnt relate directly,explicitly stories of my broken-heart in high school,betrayal and low self-esteem in university amidst distorted images of love which equated to sexuality or about giving oneself entirely to the other person.So yes,my friend again would argue that I must have learnt someting and have something personally valuable to share,well I think not.My stories of dissapointment ad self-doubt and mistakes probably mirror those of millions of others.How I dealt with pain and joy of love or falling in love also is nothing new or different or revolutionary.So I dont think,its really bringing any value.You see,I have thought starting from the source would be of help,finding out about love (what is is,how it is,when is it,wand why it is).So unlike my friend, topics in which Im not experienced,and that includes topics with bad results(in terms of love this means no decent past or present relationship status) I ask the experts.I ask the tried and tested.You know thats why we go to school for anything,any learning,to acquire something we dont know from someone who knows something more than us,and has experience and results to show.
Therefore since I had read M Scott Peck´s book a while back,and found it more that just riveting,I quote it here.I also think its useful,because I dont know many people in healthy relationships,and the problem is at the source.How people got together to the place and feeling they called love.Some people got it wrong the first time,some people say its falling in love for the wrong reasons like for money,for material posessions,for family ties,for power etc.Some people decide to get together and call it love because of fear,fear of being alone,fear of not feeling productive with their lives.Some people get together and call it love because they meet other people who they feel can make up for the wrong and inadequate things in their lives.For most people the decision and or feeling to fall in love is from psychological or physiological cause and iandequacy.The need to be completed.I was happy to hear the line from Jerry Maguire ¨You complete me¨is not so cool anymore to signify a deep bond of love.So the wheel turns...As for me my friend,since I have not been able to get this love thing right,I decided to call in the experts,and make love a decision,and fall in love the right way.Besides it was William Shakespeare who said ¨ Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments¨.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Under the weather
,Im feeling a little under the weather today.I have a bit of fever.The weather in Madrid has not been that consistent.There has been windy days right after a heat wave and I think I was exposed.Plus I sleep with my window open.Anyway,there´s other types of brooding in the air.I hope it happens before Im 35:)Anyway,its been good to talk less today at work.It kind of feels like Im a different person,when Im not ill.Like a clown,a people pleaser,conversationalist,cheerleader...And it felt good to not have to do much,to be in a sublime state,to be introspective,and enjoy my latest craze:
Invictus Through Christ
Monday, August 6, 2007
I miss South Africa because :
1)My family is there.
2)My childhood friends are there.
3)Most of my university friends are there
4)I can relate to people mostly face to face(offline)
5)Its easier and usual to make unannounced visits(within territory:)
6)Its a different feeling to call someone from local number to local number.It has nothing to do with clarity/reliability of a network,but the reality of being within one border.
7)The African print on clothing,mannerisms,food,interactions,places and people.
8)The food tastes different.Its not any more alimentation than it is...its more soul food.
9)The television programs mimic the life I have seen for most of my life.Think of South African soapies that have evolved over the years to continously track our lifestyle,our politics,our economy.The good thing is local content has increased and we even have movies that have captured the attention and imagination of an international audience.Think of Oscar winning movie Tsotsi and Sarafina.Its also heartening to see our stories being told,our struggles being shared.
10)I can passively listen.The languages are familiar.I speak 2 fluently(English and Sepedi),I can communicate faily in Afrikaans,and then its touch and go with Sotho dialects and Zulu!
11)Familiar gestures,habits,street slang,hood codes,fashion and people.Expressions like eish,joe after everh sentence.Popular street,township and suburbian fashion like All Stars,Loxion Kulcha,Stoned Cherrie,Billabong.South Africans can almost be segmented also by their fashion branding.
12)My roots are in many places.My history,my heritage,and a future I would still like to cling to.My family roots run deep in Africa,to places far and near.From Congo to Limpopo,sons and daughters of kings!
13)In the end,I miss South Africa because it has been part of my identity for 24 years of my life.I realised putting this together,that no matter how many pictures,words I could put down.The feeling,the reality the presence,the moments,the excitement,and sometimes dullness cannot be put down to completely capture how I feel when Im there.I appreciate South Africa more now that Im outside the country.When I touch down,its irresistible to kiss the African soil.
Invictus en Christo
Dedication
This poem is posted after tragic passing of a daughter of our pastor and her husband.Both were members of our church in South Africa.In the end its not how we die but how we lived our lives.The love we shared,the love we inspired and therefore the love we leave in people behind.Ultimately,as a Christian I need to be found in Christ,in happy and sad moments.I dedicate this poem to her family,friends and fellow congregants.
¨Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so,
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure: then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell;
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
-- John Donne
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so,
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure: then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell;
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
-- John Donne
The Dots
Its important to connect the dots,before the whole picture comes together.The picture could be bad,so connecting the dots some time in advance,allows some time to adjust.
The following were the dots in my life.The turning points if you life.Signs that caught my attention.The whispers in my ear,before the fridge dropped on my head.You gotta listen to the whispers though,listen to the whispers and avoid a fridge dropping on your head.
Here are my dots:
1)I didnt have a career choice,and my cousin mentioned Industrial Engineer as a possible career.His reason was no one else in my family was one.
2)On hearing I wanted to be an Industrial Engineer,my principal told me I was more of a social science person.Maybe he was right,though,at the time,I thought he was undermining me.Its good and sufficient to just be a social person,a networker,a people´s person.People in these fields are teachers,sometimes nurses,sometimes psychologists...Bottom line is they serve people,why I rejected the notion at the time was a distorted view and appreciation of what a calling is.
3)After a guidance teacher blocked many of my bursary applications,I got one with a state owned company.In the end,this company was supportive and didnt drop me when I didnt pass all the courses. This was unlike the other sought after private companies.
4)While employed in my first job,I felt a great need to fight a lot.To fight for resources,to fight for training,to fight for recognition...then I got a job with a multinational,and this job took me places and showed me enormous confidence.They also invested in me.Wow,in the end I didnt have to fight.Sometimes we dont have to fight,for everything or some things in particular.Its important to recognise these,¨dont fight for me things¨in relationships,jobs,businesses .If yo have to fight for them,then these interactions lack the basic minimum ¨has to be there already¨items for me to become part of that environment.
5)An attractive,well punted job falls into the traps of bureacracy and internal politics.I knew that this scene,this script and I had seen it all before.I decide,I have to start drawing my own picture,building my own well and directing my own life story of success.I have to start now.
6)A potential sponsor sends me and a former partner away with a to-do list on our internet business proposal.I maintain contact with this business owner,and he introduces me to blogging.Since then my life has erupted with bigger fire that the most active volcano present.
7)Bloggind,internet marketing,people businesses,financial independence...words,concepts I heard before,all are coming together.There is lots of information,but in divergence I have already started seeing the potential for convergence.These trends depends and are built on knowledge of people(PSYCHOLOGY),on able,direct well-managed communicating (MARKETING),on emerging markets (WEB 2.0,social networks)....On taking advantage of massive audiences,communities,networks,groups (facebook,myspace etc.
Well,for now...INVICTUS
The following were the dots in my life.The turning points if you life.Signs that caught my attention.The whispers in my ear,before the fridge dropped on my head.You gotta listen to the whispers though,listen to the whispers and avoid a fridge dropping on your head.
Here are my dots:
1)I didnt have a career choice,and my cousin mentioned Industrial Engineer as a possible career.His reason was no one else in my family was one.
2)On hearing I wanted to be an Industrial Engineer,my principal told me I was more of a social science person.Maybe he was right,though,at the time,I thought he was undermining me.Its good and sufficient to just be a social person,a networker,a people´s person.People in these fields are teachers,sometimes nurses,sometimes psychologists...Bottom line is they serve people,why I rejected the notion at the time was a distorted view and appreciation of what a calling is.
3)After a guidance teacher blocked many of my bursary applications,I got one with a state owned company.In the end,this company was supportive and didnt drop me when I didnt pass all the courses. This was unlike the other sought after private companies.
4)While employed in my first job,I felt a great need to fight a lot.To fight for resources,to fight for training,to fight for recognition...then I got a job with a multinational,and this job took me places and showed me enormous confidence.They also invested in me.Wow,in the end I didnt have to fight.Sometimes we dont have to fight,for everything or some things in particular.Its important to recognise these,¨dont fight for me things¨in relationships,jobs,businesses .If yo have to fight for them,then these interactions lack the basic minimum ¨has to be there already¨items for me to become part of that environment.
5)An attractive,well punted job falls into the traps of bureacracy and internal politics.I knew that this scene,this script and I had seen it all before.I decide,I have to start drawing my own picture,building my own well and directing my own life story of success.I have to start now.
6)A potential sponsor sends me and a former partner away with a to-do list on our internet business proposal.I maintain contact with this business owner,and he introduces me to blogging.Since then my life has erupted with bigger fire that the most active volcano present.
7)Bloggind,internet marketing,people businesses,financial independence...words,concepts I heard before,all are coming together.There is lots of information,but in divergence I have already started seeing the potential for convergence.These trends depends and are built on knowledge of people(PSYCHOLOGY),on able,direct well-managed communicating (MARKETING),on emerging markets (WEB 2.0,social networks)....On taking advantage of massive audiences,communities,networks,groups (facebook,myspace etc.
Well,for now...INVICTUS
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
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